How (not) to play Bloodborne

Like most people with a PS Plus account. I recently took the plunge and finally took my first foray into the game, that must lay high on the all time list of games ”people say they have completed” Bloodborne.

I had heard it was slightly hard. Slightly hard as in trying to ride a bike across the Niagara Falls without a tight rope wire. I had also heard that it wasn’t really that hard. I just had to ”GIT GUD”. I hate that phrase. Of course some friends said it was great that it was worth a download if nothing more for the Gothic art style and I must admit its very, very pretty with wonderful Gothic towers and dilapidated buildings springing from the games every orifice.

So with nothing to lose apart from a potential broken controller or two I prepared for my adventure into Yarnham.

Of course I died. I died a lot, I didn’t let this deter me, I had done my research, realised that death in blooborne isn’t like death in most other games. Death somehow isn’t the punishment you think it is. It’s apparently a lesson a lesson for you to learn from, to get better to try again, to get better.

I had to ask for help.

After repeatedly getting killed by the same few enemies in the early stage of the game, I decide enough was enough and the only hope was to find a way for me to improve. I couldn’t do this in the way the game suggested. Asking a real life person to help was too much of a burden, would I really want to show just how I bad I was to someone else? To have them hold my hand through even the earliest encounters. No. I did the next best thing. I asked the internet.

Oh internet.

You beautiful wonderful thing you. I had barely finished the question ”how to get better at Bloodborne” before you sent me ten million different results all proffering a different way to kill each and every different beast. After much soul-searching and an awful lot of time-wasting, I settled on two guides one from the ever brilliant Push Square the other from the recent purchaser of the Humble Bundle the ever so slightly too pleased with itself IGN.

They helped

Well, at least they helped at first. With step by step instructions I realised that I had the wrong type of weapon for the kind of player I am and just in case you are wondering the kind of player I am is one who runs around in a circle pressing all the hit buttons hoping, praying something will hit and knock my enemy of a ledge or they will just get bored and move on to more interesting pray.

In the end.

I couldn’t be saved. I tried and I tried and I tried, I studied enemy movement patterns, the way there weapons moved, how far the range was. I attacked them in groups on their own, I shot them, I hacked at them, Nothing worked. For I had forgotten the one simple rule of Bloodborne. Stay Calm. Nothing else matters. for when the crap hits the fan, you can not play Blooborne and hope to win in the way that I play Bloodborne, For the second I see an enemy coming I turn into a jelly left out on a hot summers day. Firstly I start to wobble, then as the heat gets hotter I start to sweat, my hands covering the controller in a grease that only aids my overly slow panicked movements become even overly more panicked movements as I try to not become just another notch on a mad mans kill list. It’s no good the damage is done and like that jelly left out in the sun I wilt and fade to nothing but a bloody red sticky mess on the floor as I see the You Died screen once again.

It’s a shame really, I really would love to know what’s behind that  first enemy bonfire.

8 thoughts on “How (not) to play Bloodborne

  1. I would like to play Bloodborne but I couldn’t get into it. The combat was fun and challenging, but I need to know that there is a story if I’m going to invest my time. I hate games that are built around the combat and enemies rather then the story and the reason why you are in this hellscape. I heard that I would need to read the various item descriptions and menues to get the full story but that just seems like a lame way to insert a story.

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    1. That’s very true. I love a good story across any medium but, I just thought for once I would try something different.It does feel like they worked out how to make the combat and art style and then someone came along along and asked what the characters inspiration was and where it was going. Then they decided they better some sort of story in somewhere

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  2. As somebody who is a big fan of the SoulsBorne games, I’d say Bloodborne is the hardest to get into as a newbie. The combat is too fast and aggressive. In Dark Souls you can bunker up behind a shield and learn the patterns. In Bloodborne you need to know how to dodge and riposte, and with nothing teaching you how to do either of those things it takes a lot of getting used too.

    Some bosses will never let up, same with enemies and if you haven’t learnt the riposte/perfect dodge timing you’ll never be able to beat it.

    It is a shame, because it should be better than Dark Souls, but it is let down by being obnoxiously hard at entry.

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